February - Advertisement, The Jaguar Coat [Parker]

There are few coats which have accrued as many names as this. The Carpet Coat. The Rug Coat. The Useless Coat. The Ugly Coat. The How Many Times Am I Going To Have To Tell You To Get Rid Of That Coat. Before today few knew its true nomenclature and even fewer knew the story behind this great jacket.

It all started when a man named David went to college armed with a knock-off Hard Rock Cafe Chicago sweatshirt. At this point in time the Jaguar coat was in the possession of the man who was to be David's roommate. Upon seeing the knock-off Hard Rock Cafe Chicago sweatshirt David's roommate was filled with envy and desired it greatly. David was a shrewd businessman and as such he determined an exchange was in order. For some unknown reason David determined this coat, which was nearly as ugly then as it is today, would make for a fair trade. Despite many complaints from the woman who would become David's wife, this coat has stuck around and it has been passed down to me.

There are many practical uses for this coat. For one, it has gigantic pockets. I am not exaggerating. Those things are huge. I can fit my iPad into them.

Secondly, this coat gives the appearance of warmth and comfort. Who would not want to wrap themselves up in a carpet when trekking through a frozen tundra? Simply look at the many colorful fibers that go into this coat and you will know that it is something to be greatly desired. (Disclaimer: The Jaguar Coat does not keep one remarkably warm)

A third, although slightly less practical, feature is that it is unique. When wearing The Jaguar Coat one can be almost certain that there is not another one within a hundred miles. Putting on The Jaguar Coat instantly graces any man with a very... distinct style.

So stop by your nearest random thrift store which mostly has a lot of junk to get a Jaguar Coat for yourself today! You will (most likely) not regret it! 
(Second disclaimer: The author of this post does not take any responsibility for the thoughts of horror which are thought by family members, friends, and complete strangers upon seeing a man wear a Jaguar Coat.)

I am aware that this post is half a month late. However, as no one else has posted their projects, I am currently infinitely earlier than they.